As you all may know, I am a mom of two kids and raising kids is not a child’s play. I have had my moments of meltdown, breakdowns, crying and looking for an escape. But I knew I have to deal with the mounting stress and be more calmer to be happy mentally and as a parent too.
Online school made me exhausted with jumping around from one class to another for both my kids. Demands to step out or be glued to TV or devices were making me lose my mind. The irritation and anger was mounting but I knew that venting it out on kids was not the right thing to do. So, I had to find my own way out of being mindful to deal with my kids.
These few changes in my approach and behaviour that helped me be a calmer parent:
- Lower expectations: Kids are bound to make mistakes and its inevitable. Getting stressed over each mistake and telling them off wont help. A win-win situation was that I lower my expectations and let my kids be kids and not put them and me under pressure.
- No comparing: It’s easy to compete and compare between two kids. But that doesn’t really help the child and only makes them look down upon themselves. I didn’t compare my one child’s behavior with another one and let them be as and how they are. Afterall each child has his/her own uniqueness.
- Time out for self when angry: Words can get flowing from our mouth when we are stressed or angry. But that really doesn’t help anyone and you will only be left with guilt for saying things you really didn’t mean to your kids. So move out, go in a room and calm down before you start talking again to your kids.
- Me time: Constant work makes no one happy. We all need that break. Make time for yourself in your daily routine. I made sure my meals and my tea time are in peace. During this time I allowed my kids to do what they liked so I am not bothered again and again. Also, I started putting my kids to bed on fixed time so that I get time for myself and my husband.
- Realistic Expectations: End of the day, kids are kids, and they are bound to make mistakes and goof up. As a parent and an adult, we must accept this. If we expect our kids to be tidy, not create mess, be self-efficient and do things on their own, our expectations from them are not real. My kids use to crate a lot of mess, but I started keeping things around to help them be less messy. I taught them about certain things to avoid and set down rules on to and not to do. E.g. when they are eating an ice-cream, they must have a small plate in hand to avoid mess from the dripping ice cream. I got plastic aprons and table mats for their art time so that there is less mess.
There will be moments when we lose our cool and get angry but remember like kids. Even we make mistakes and would not like to be reprimanded for it time and again. Mistakes help kids to know what’s right and wrong. As an adult, we need to have more patients when dealing with little minds so that we don’t lose our mind. Remember, no one ever told that Parenting is an easy job. So accept it as and how it is.
Hope you found my article useful. I have also written about Parental Burnout and how it can affect your mental health. You can read the article here and be a calm and happy Parent that your child loves.
This blog is a part of Blogchatter’s #causeachatter issue where I chose to talk about mental wellbeing.
8 replies on “Sharing my ways of dealing with stress and being a calmer parent”
we moms have so much on our plate that it is natural to feel anxious and stressed. And most of the ties, it reflects in our work as well. The techniques you have mentioned are practical. Happy mind will lead to a happy life.
Yes kids are kids and we can not expect perfect behavior all the time. I also keep a flexible parenting approach and allow them certain time for things that they want to do.
This is all true ! Parenting can be stressful and all encompassing job , one needs to be calm and patient to be good parent , your tips are so helpful!
Just following the above makes the journey so easy and simple for both mom and kids. Thank you for sharing your secret buddy.
Being at home, managing kids, work, cooking and taking care of the rest of the family members is definitely huge responsibility. we sometimes lose cool and give in to. Anger. But kids are kids they will make mistakes. Your tips surely help in maintaining calm
You’re totally on point. I mean comparing is the worst of all. Some parents do it because they were brought up the same way. So many children have depression due to this particular habit of parents. Hope people read this and become calmer parents too.
Not looking for perfection in the tasks is my mantra of dealing with stressful parenting days. Your pointers are really helpful and especially the one, take time off when we are angry.
Totally agree with you .We can not expect perfect behavior from kids all the time. We need to be flexible and allow them certain time for things that they want to do.