Even in 2021, we have women who prey for a son with a fear that how will the in-laws react if she has a daughter. And if by chance she does deliver a daughter, will she be welcomed house or not? Will her family be happy about this birth? Such fear still resides in a woman’s mind.
A boy to keep the family name alive. A boy to do the last rites of his parents. A boy to look after them in old age. What makes everyone think that a girl cannot do the same for her family? Only because she will get married and move into a new family she loses right over her own?
There are many reasons cited for the same. Women are weak at heart to handle the grief. They should just mourn at home and let men do all the rituals. Other schools of “orthodox” thoughts states that only when a son does the last rites, will the deceased attain salvation aka “moksh”. A widow cannot perform the “Kanya Dan” of her daughter as she will rub off her bad luck to her daughter, but a dad can do it irrespective of him be a widower or married.
But we are seeing many women who are coming out in open and trying to punch the patriarchy in the face. And not just celebrities, but even a woman like you and me. Without the fear and worry of the backlash that the society is readily waiting with. And the funny part is, people with a phone in hand, knowledge of social media and an ability to read and write are the ones who are posting such nasty comments. So, let’s not point fingers at the elders, oldies or the villagers for a backward mentality. The so-called tech savvy, living in this time and space are equally backward in their thoughts and mentality.
How did Mandira Bedi wrong you?
Mandira Bedi wore a White T-shirt and denim instead of a white saree to mourn her loss. She wore a watch and had a chain around her neck. Her nails were done. And the most talked about, she did the last rites instead of her young son.
As soon as her pictures went on social media and news channels, these gossip mongers started vilifying her actions. Trolls on what she wore to what she did, were all over the social platforms not sparing any opportunity to lash at her.
These people couldn’t see that Mandira Bedi was mindful of the fact that her son is just 10 years old, too young to do the last rites and go through the pain. She chose to take the baton in her hand and do it herself instead.
Her intension behind it was not to challenge the society. She just wanted to safeguard her young son. She didn’t wear a saree because she was in a mess. Her husband passed away in the morning and in all the hustle and bustle and 2 kids in tow, she many not have changed, or maybe she doesn’t have a white saree. She had not foreseen the event to be prepared for it. She acted on her feet and did what was right at that moment without thinking about the comments and words that would follow.
Sadly, even the so called Millennials and Gen Z wanted to vomit the brash things that they had caged in and were waiting for a target. Sadly, this time it was Mandira Bedi at the receiving end. Instead of being thoughtful with their words, these social media trollers chose to pin her down. And no, not just men, we have an equal number of women and so-called modern girls who could not resist the temptation of passing a comment.
Even grief has a gender. You must be “man enough” or “woman like” to grieve the loss of you family member. The society still believes that grief should be dominated by men and women can just sit and cry.
But Mandira Bedi is a woman with strong heart and used her mind where she had to and did what was right by not blindly following the age-old traditions. The loss is equal for all, a man or a woman. She lost her husband and nothing and no one is more rightful than her in putting her husband to his final resting place.
P.s. I lost my father when I was 12 years old and when I was to get married, I had other relatives who were ready to take over the “Kanya Dan” as my mother was “Not allowed” they said. But I was adamant and put my foot down that no one but my mom is the rightful person to give me away after all the sacrifices she has made to raise us single handedly. And so she did. We did beat the patriarchy. We heard some not so welcomed sound around us and saw some raised eyebrow but we had our back towards them and continued with what we believed.
This blog is a part of Blogchatter’s #causeachatter and #halfmarathon.
28 replies on “What is an Adarsh Nari ? Mandira Bedi trolled for shattering the image of an “Adarsh Nari”.”
So agree with you. People like these only make this world a horrible place to live in. By the way even I lost my father a week before my 12th birthday. And on my wedding day, despite traditions, I insisted that my mother and brother walk me down the aisle. I’m proud of that decision. High five.
No one can know what Mandira Bedi went through with the loss of her husband and the father of her children. Trolls make everything look so easy and blurp whatever they fell and not what is right. You have rightly said she was the only one who could put her husband to his final resting place.
In the moment of grief when people choose to comment one should surely shun off these comments. More shocking is that women who call themselves modern also comment negatively. Who are we to judge why she wore chain or why watch, if in these grief stricken times too she would pick something designer then also trolls would be back of her. So leaving all the sounds behind one has to walk their path.
Hansa, you did a great job by shunning such relatives comments and made your mom to do rituals, proud of you girl!
Instead of understanding her pain, if people choose to troll Mandira Bedi then shame on such thought process and mentality. Kudos to her to handle the situation and loss of her husband with a brave heart. Infant, when I saw these pictures, I felt so proud of her. This is called breaking barriers. Knowing your story, I am very proud of you.
I totally agree with you Hansa, we as a society always talk about bringing up the change, and there are people who don’t even let any person live their lives on their terms. Mandira Bedi is a strong woman and has the full right to take her decisions and baton in her hand for whatsoever reason.
Yes agree with your thoughts completely and “Mandira bedi” incidence is so sad and frustrating that our so called modern society can not understand the though fullness behind her action. and trolled her instead of supporting. hope people change their mentality and give a freedom to women to choose and take decisions as per their wish and understanding.
thoughtfulness
It is so painful to see what Mandira Bedi is going through. Unfortunately, the free of all time the judgemental people, as usual, chose the easiest job to sit on social media and write shamelessly how others should behave and express grief. This is where we humans fail to control the nastiness that over flooding only because of social media. You have raised so many valid points, Hansa!
You will find these kind of people everywhere in the society. They feel it’s their rightfull right to pull some down, judge them, and pass nasty comments. It is sad that Mandira bedi had to go through all this but there are so many people who go through this humiliation day in and day out. Give a deaf ears to them.. They are no body..just no body.
Honestly, what Mandira did came from a place of strength and care. She protected her son from the media glare. Her clothes, well, unless you wish and want to be photographed all spik and span after losing a partner, were most normal.
I am agreeing with your thoughts, instead of judging her people should understand her pain and support her. But some people in society will always taunt women for the new changes they will do in their life. Sad part but it’s true
the troll was totally uncalled for i felt. The so called society needs reason to trash every lady out who wants to fight for equality . Well said . I agree with u totally
I read the hurtful comments by insensitive trollers with complete disbelief. Where are the ‘sanskars’ of the people who sit behind false identities and attack a woman who lost her husband suddenly!
No matter how much we try, we neither will be able to make the world happy nor understanding. Especially people who choose to keep their minds closed and live in their own world with tailor made rules for women. So just let the world speak. More power to Mandira Bedi
I have a different view point to the whole situation! Well, this is not the first time a woman has done laat rites or came out beyond the so called societal boundaries, but why the case of Mandira Bedi got highlighted. Of course due to the celebrity tag attached with her. The people trolling her and many others, sit there to encompass on every situation, who cares for them. I have seen scores of women doing last rites or punching the patriarchal norms during 2nd wace hit country. But, none of the media channels were highlighting that.
Our society is, without a doubt, a hypocritical one. This is a case of making a molehill out of an anthill. Nowadays the social media has become an outlet where people seize these issues and try to make a huge issue.
That’s true. Every one creates hue n cry about everything unless they have to face the same situation.
It is so painful to see what Mandira Bedi is facing in the society.
It is so painful to see what Mandira Bedi is going through. Mandira Bedi is a strong woman and has the full right to take her decisions.
Uff, I was furious, which would be an understatement after reading few trolls on her post. How can people be so insensitive and behave like a total ja**a** even when someone was grieving. I hated all the negativity around this and stayed away from reading much. Kudos, girl for taking a stand on your wedding ritual. We all need more strong women to call this patriarchy out every day.
We call ourselves modern by wearing western clothes. However our mindset still following the social taboos. Bashing women for her clothes and for her acts is very common in India
While reading this post I was reminded of a beautiful song, much to log kahenge logon ka kaam hai kehna. This has been our society since time immemorial and we should really pay attention to the so called LOG. Manidra did the right thing. She just saved her son to go through the agony of lighting his fathers pyre. I am sure she didn’t want him to have that memory for his life ahead and what is so wrong in wife doing the last rites. If she can stand by her husband in all ifs and buts and ups and downs why she cant support him when he just going away. I was so angry when I had read so many news and social media comments about what she wore and she cremated. How the hell does it even matter what a person wears for last rite. The emotions and tears have no colours and can never be caged in a salwar kameez or a saree.
Seeing Mandira Bedi being trolled was pathetic to see. A celeb can not even grieve peacefully. . I found it very overhyped. What she does within her family is not to be judged upon. What if it was her husband’s wish, we really dont know…
Dear Hansa I really wanted to pen this love I am glad you did you literally wrote what I wanted to shout on top of the voice I was so angry with the trolls
I can’t understand what’s wrong if a wife wants to light her husband pyre. It’s her decision, and society should respect that, instead of trolling her unnecessary.
I don’t know but I feel so bad when people don’t respect each other’s feelings. but what Mandira did is right from her point of view. I appreciate the efforts put in by her.
So glad this was addressed. Some people or so-called keepers of adarshvadi samaj has taken the task of finding fault in every single thing, specially when it comes to women and more importantly if she has a voice and makes a choice of her own.
It is so painful for someone who is already going through grief to also bear the vile remarks such as these. You’re right, even though we progress as a society, some deep seated problems are yet to change.