We sometimes hear parents say that “They are unable to control their child” and that they are frustrated as their child doesn’t listen to their orders and commands.
But tell me what are we and who are our children? Is this relation that of a Boss and an employee? Are kids meant to be imposed and commanded upon? Is it really becoming a power struggle for parents?
Like us adults, kids too don’t like when they are imposed with too many rules, demands, orders and guidelines. From the time they are born, some parents already decide what they kids have to do as they grow up and how are they suppose to live their life.
But remember, any relation, which has restrictions and power struggle, can never be enjoyable, be it parent and a child, boss and an employee or husband and wife. No one likes control and domination.
With your child, it should not be about power struggle but more about “Emotional Connect”. Understanding their emotional and mental needs and their abilities and desires is what makes you a good parent. so “Spend time” with your child and try to understand them.
Being a parent, you should “Listen” to your child’s issues. Allow them to express their frustrations by lending them an ear. Speak to them daily and allow them to express their sadness, anger, emotions and disappointments. Also, be “Flexible” with your ways of doing things. Its not always necessary that things can be done just one way or your way. Kids and young adults have their own way of doing things so allow them to try it out. “Explain” your reasoning. Some time your child needs to know and understand the reason behind something being said. So explain yourself.
As a parent you are the matured one and are expected to show more patience while you hear your child out, thoughtfulness while you guide, self control when you feel angry and understanding and calmness when conflicts arise. Don’t show your frustrations. Kids need more positivity around them and our frustrations can do no good to them.
So stop think your kid’s life is in your hands and they have to live as per your experiences. Because not all experiences can be same. What you may have experienced may be completely different for your child. Times have changed and the environment in which our kids are being raised has changed. Parenting is not about setting expectations but to genuinely seeing your child grow in their own special way. So next time, remember, instead of saying “ I am the adult so you should listen to me”think and say“I am the adult so I should listen and understand my child first”.
All we have to do is see things from our kids perceptive at times. Shift the gear, and you will understand what your child is feeling. Stop taking the entire control of your childs life and choices in your hand because you think you have better experience.Not all experiences can have the same result. What you may have experienced may be completely different for your child. Times have changed and the environment in which our kids are being raised has changed too. So next time, remember, instead of saying “ I am the adult so you should listen to me”think and say“I am the adult so I should listen and understand my child first”.
Lets make this interactive. Let me know in the comments below how are you as a parent. Is it a power struggle or is it listening and understanding?